So expect even more commercials, replay reviews, timeouts, warmed-over analysis and breathless sideline reporting than usual. Lady Gaga's barely-there halftime outfit will barely cause a ripple across the Twitterverse.
Nantz: "About putting,
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A few more things that could turn up on the 2017 calendar:
Sixty-four-year-old Russian president Vladimir Putin is declared the surprise winner. The first congratulatory call comes from the White House. Appearing bare-chested at the press conference soon afterward,
Cheap Shoes Online Free Delivery, Putin compares it to the time he scored seven goals in a hockey game in Sochi against a team made up of his political and business cronies.
"Maybe our fans were watching replays of the presidential debates," Goodell tells TMZ the day after. "No wonder they dented our ratings the first time around. Hand-to-hand combat, bad refs, lots of Hail Mary passes... and that town-hall touchdown dance Trump did? The kind of stuff people used to watch the NFL to see."
Bairstow: "Afraid not. No. 1, this is just a replica. No. 2, these are ashes like in an ashtray. Somebody put out a cigarette in this one."
May 7 — European Karate Senior Championships — Samsun, Turkey
Pinch-hitter Kyle Schwarber homers one-handed in the bottom of the ninth while wearing a full body cast and eating a hot dog with the other hand.
Kaepernick: "My knees are killing me."
LeBron James wills the Cavaliers to another NBA title, again at the expense of Warriors. Immediately afterward, Golden State's Kevin Durant says he's instructed his agents to explore a trade to Cleveland.
You (fanning out $100 bills): "Great!"
June 18 — NBA Finals, Game 7 — Cleveland
The most important thing to know about the coming year in sports:
November 1 — World Series, Game 7 — Chicago
January 9 — College Football National Championship — Orlando, Florida
"Not so fast," King James tells reporters, reacting to the report. "He hasn't suffered enough. Tell him to call back when they're burning his jerseys on the streets."
After losing to Clemson 3-0, Alabama coach Nick Saban announces his retirement.
September 10 — Opening weekend of NFL season — various locations
"I always said I'd leave when I couldn't give this program 110 percent,
Hockey Jerseys From China," he begins. "Last night, I was dreaming about how to block those three, 300-pounders in the middle of Clemson's 'D' line. All of a sudden, I dreamed I was in a meadow, alongside a lake somewhere. There were peonies and wild horses. ..."
Yep. It's going to be that kind of year.
Speaking of the president-elect, moments after slipping on his fifth green jacket and first since 2005, Woods credits Trump with helping him win the Masters.
Teammate: "Of course, Jonny. Legend has it they're the remnants of a burnt cricket ball, perhaps, or a mournful woman's veil."
Like the conversation above, or disgraced Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte trying to sneak into the world championships in Budapest with a fake mustache and new dye job, Mayweather vs. McGregor would be loads of fun. But it probably won't happen in 2017. Frankly, it's going to be a lousy year.
Saban drops the mic, starts toward the exit, then makes a U-turn back to the podium. "One more thing: 'Roll Tide!'"
Bairstow: "Chaps, I don't know how to put this ... but there are ashes in here."
Andrews: "After all this time and all that abuse. Why now?"
December 18 — The Ashes cricket series, 3rd Test — Perth, Australia
Cubs win! Cubs win,
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Jim Nantz: "A little while ago, you told Peter Kostis behind the 18th that you got a tip during a round with the president in West Palm Beach last December."
Woods: "Get rid of the beard. He said it made me look like Danny Glover ."
And you get rich taking the 20-1 odds Las Vegas bookmakers are laying on Tiger Woods to win the Masters. Things get interesting when you bump into Floyd "Money" Mayweather leaving the betting window.
England sweeps the first three test matches in the best-of-five format to lock up a second straight series win, and its sixth in the last eight. In the middle of a locker room filled with drunken revelers, wicketkeeper Jonny Bairstow holds up a the tiny terra cotta championship urn and calls for quiet.
Woods: "Yep,
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Money: "How's it going?"
Again. Like you didn't know